rfhg;o;oae[0qq[t3cj]xf <———That is me banging my head against the keyboard. Why? Because nary an hour after The Greatest News Of All Time, a.k.a. the death of Osama Bin Laden, I had to hear about how my President is covering something up because CNN reported Bin Laden was buried at sea.
First of all, let me just say we would have freaking SAINTED President Bush had he been the one in charge when our elite teams finally got a hold of Bin Laden. But since it’s our Muslim Kenya President who is in charge right now, there must be something nefarious going on, amirite?! No, I am not right. That is ridiculous.
Secondly, can i just say so what if Osama was dumped at sea (because the word ‘burial’ doesn’t sound right; it sounds dignified and I doubt we were playing mourning tunes and grieving when we tossed him over the side). Would it have been better to drag him through the streets of every major city in America so my President could prove he was actually dead? Maybe it sounds like a good idea, and I really kinda woulda been for it, especially those few months after 9/11, but truth is it’s rather barbaric and we’re supposed to be better than that. We all know that’s no true; we’re just as fucked up as anyone else, but we’re supposed to be the moral, awesome people and sometimes we really just have to be the moral, awesome people.
Thirdly, so what if he wanted to dispose of the body as quickly as possible. We are never going to know exactly how we killed Osama, and we don’t need to know. The President is covered under National Security and really just might be keeping our best interests at heart. Who knows what happened at that mansion outside Islamabad. We’ll get some scrubbed down story, that’s a given, but the particulars are a National Secret and really, none of us need to know. So get over it. And really, where were all over you suddenly righteous folks when President Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? When he was sending detainees to Cuba? When he was secretly tapping your phones? When he was making stupid analogies? Every President has his secrets. Have you never seen National Treasure? And stop filling my Facebook feed with conspiracy theories. GAH!!! I need better Facebook friends.
And lastly, really?! C’mon. Last night was a night that will last forever in the history books. A terrorist is dead. A mass murderer is dead. A man who was responsible for the worst tragedy on American soil is dead. This is a huge blow to Al-Qaeda and the beginning of the end for our troops overseas. Let us just bask in the National pride I’m sure we all felt when CNN panned to the growing group of Americans crowding outside the White House (and freaking out the Secret Service) who spent the night chanting “USA USA (un-ironically…unlike I usually do)” and singing our Nation’s anthem at the top of their lungs. I haven’t had pride for my people like that in years. In fact, not since people banded together after 9/11 to help their fallen countrymen. That’s the America I love. That’s the America that makes us the greatest country in the world. I’m proud of that America. I want to live in that America. I wouldn’t have to say I’m Canadian when I’m abroad if that’s the America in which I lived. So, no matter your feelings about our President of the United States (you are entitled to them, that’s what makes America awesome and it’s not like I didn’t compare President Bush to a monkey for eight years…sorry monkeys), can we just support him as a country, just this once?
Anyway, poor President Obama. He’s damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. I just hope smart people turn out in droves in 2012 to get him re-elected. I have faith another four years will cause the President to put a boot into the Democrats and Republicans’ asses so this country can get right back on track. That said, I will leave you with his next campaign poster (or rather, the picture I’m going to hang from my house, no matter where I roam)
P.S. I really do love some of my Facebook friends. I just wish you all weren’t so damn Republican all the time.
P.P.S. I was really hoping last night the President’s speech was just going to be him grabbing the mic, saying “That’s right, Osama’s dead, bitches. America, fuck yeah”, drop the mic, then walk away. That would have been mine. He’s much more dignified than I.