So, apprehensive time, y’all! I have 43 days until wheels up and I’ve been starting to get a little bit nervous. Why would I be nervous, you ask? Well, something about picking up and starting a whole new life is a bit nailbiting, but that’s really not the main reason my panties are in a bunch. You see, I am worried people will think I’m weird. I mean, I know I’m weird, but here people embrace my weirdness, mainly because people here have really no damn room to talk because ain’t nobody sane and normal round these parts.
But the thing is, I’m leaving a world where morbid humor, put downs and cussing is a standard norm. I don’t think there has ever been a time we talked to one another without mean words and snide remarks. Because that’s how we bond. And since I used to be a sailor, I tend to cuss like one. In fact, this is pretty much me most of the time
And that’s pretty much how we also communicate. It’s not for lack of word or smarts (for some of us), it’s just the way things are.
Also, I tend to speak in song lyrics. Like, if you were to say “Knock three times”, I would bust out with this
Sometimes I quote Tupac for no other reason than to be stupid. I like to switch back and forth between British and American accents. I speak with a Southern accent when I say something retarded. I like to move the emphasis on syllables so words sound different and retarded just because I can. I like to use the phalanges as opposed to fingers.
Kate Middleton LOL’s amuse me, even though I pretty much adore Princess Shinylocks.
Speaking of the word fantastical, I like to make up words. If Shakespeare can do it, so can I dammit.
I am also pretty much insane. My mood changes with the breeze, I can’t settle down for very long, I’m figgity, I hum when I’m bored, I burst out into song when I’m bored, I act out my writing so it’s more “real”. There are days when I feel awesome and cool, and there are days when I want to hide in sweats and not even glance at the outside.
I don’t even know if I’m worried I won’t fit in. I enjoy being insane, but I don’t enjoy feeling ostracized. I know no one likes it, but I still worry about it. I’m also embarking on another career path, one where I might not fit in and that kinda bothers me. I’m worried I won’t make friends; I’m worried I’ll end up cold and alone.
This is all combined with my fears of getting older and never accomplishing anything worthwhile. Kinda like someone else I know…
So really this is all blah blah blah and nonsensical crap and I really should just shut my face because not everyone gets to have an awesome opportunity such as this and everything is going to be fine and I’m going to be the belle of the ball and this will be me.
So I’m just gonna end this right here. I’m being annoyed by work people and i really should get on the road, even though each time I venture out into the world while here at work, murderous rage take over because more often than not, some idiot is going to be retarded and I can’t just go and wall them up somewhere. I know I’m going to hear some fucknut get mouthy because my officers aren’t allowing them to drive like a fucktard and DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!?! and I’m gonna call your boss and then I’m gonna end up in trouble because the cool LT isn’t here today. I also know, I am so over this place, looking at people while I’m at work fills me with hatred and anger. Fuck all this serve and protect bullshit. I’m done dealing with pompous assholes who have this ego problem.