Well, Hello There

18 Apr

Hello. Welcome. Thanks for stopping by. This is probably my 30th attempt at keeping up a blog, and I’m sure it’s getting just as tiring to all of you loverly people, but I’m bored. And it is 136 days, 6 hours, 59 minutes, 29 seconds (28…27…26…25…and so on) until Thursday, September 1, 2011 at 4:31:00 PM (Seattle time). That’s the time my flight leaves the tarmac from Sea-Tac, which begins my 22 hour and 59 minute flight to Sydney, Australia.

I’ll be there for a year, or until the Australian government realizes what a mistake they made by giving me a visa which allows me to live, work and study in their country full of murderous spiders and hot men with hot accents.

Needless to say, I am super excited. As well as super terrified. But, I’ll be in good hands. Miss Joders has promised to be my tour guide/wrangler.

Joders stunt double.

I still have a few kinks to work out. First, I’m going to need to convince my Chief of Police I need a leave of absence from the federal government. Then I need someone to watch Molly for a bit.  And I still have ten years worth of crap to get rid of. But my final hurdle? My car. I’m gonna need to sell it. Or store it somewhere and still pay the monthly payments.

Anyway. I still can’t comprehend the enormity of it all. Living in another country is going to be insane. And a welcome respite from the insanity that is the American way of life. And I won’t have to see that wretched place in which I work for an entire year.

Not an actual representation of what my PD looks like. Maybe

Every morning, I look like this:

And in 136 days, I’ll be all like this:

This is even better than the marriage between Wills and Princess Shinylocks! (I’m still pissed I will be at work from 6AM to 7AM, which is when the Most Important Marriage Of Our Time is shown here).

Ill schedule our royal marriage at a more opportune time

Im gonna move to Utah so I can be married to both my current husband, Daniel Craig, and Prince Harry. They will be brother-husbands.

And one of the best things ever about moving to a completely different country where they drive on the other side of the road? No more driving. Driving makes it so I have never been more willing to kill another human being. Seriously. I hate every single driver on the road…with their no turn signal using, tailgating, riding on the brakes driving ass. I HATE THEM!

Me. Every freaking day in traffic. Yes, I am a cat.

So that’s all the excitement going on right now. Of course, this is really all the excitement I can stand right now. 136 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!1one!!!

I am now off to get a new tattoo. At the mall. Just so I can say I got a tattoo in the mall. Random.

I will now leave you with my new all time favorite song (it has Sean Patrick Flannery in it!!!! It has Sir Todd Bridges as a pervy priest!!!!! IT’S SHOT LIKE A TARANTINO FILM!!!!!) from my new all time favorite band.

If Tarantino actually made this film, I would sit outside the theater until opening day.

I would like to add Sean Patrick Flannery to my harem. Only if he talks in that fake Irish accent he had in Boondock Saints, though. Or wears an eye patch.


Posted by on April 18, 2011 in Land Down Under, Oh Happy Day


10 responses to “Well, Hello There

  1. Shannon

    April 18, 2011 at 18:09

    OMG, that is so exciting! I hope you love it! And please keep this blog up, lol! You can post all about your awesome Australian adventures.

    • Lili The Great

      April 18, 2011 at 11:41

      I’m a little wary of the fact it’s going to be roughly 650,423 degrees there and I’m no longer accustomed to it, but it’s freaking Australia and it’s going to be awesome anyway!

      And I’ll do my best! I really want to use this as my Awesome Aussie Dream Getaway blog.

  2. Sharon

    April 18, 2011 at 15:30

    So whilst I’m mega excited for you and your Aussie Dream Getaway, I’m a little concerned that you keep trying to steal Prince/Captain Hot Ginge from me…

    That aside this post, the pics and their captions made me chuckle.

    • Lili The Great

      April 19, 2011 at 06:22

      Cage Match. At the airport when I finally make it to the UK. Winner takes Prince Hot Ginge.

      That cat picture makes me giggle every time I look at it.

  3. Ali

    April 18, 2011 at 18:03

    Hi! I love the Black Keys! I only recently got in to them too! I’m jealous that you are moving to Oz!!! Lucky! I can’t wait to see what it’s like from your perspective 🙂

    • Lili The Great

      April 19, 2011 at 06:25

      The Black Keys are awesome. And they’re from my homestate! That makes them double cool.

      My posts once I get to Oz will probably just be random, drooling fragments about how hot the weather and the men is/are. And how I can’t understand most of the people and I wish they spoke English. Fun fact: people on my mum’s side of the fam can’t understand me because I talk too fast. They’re a bunch of Southerners and speak super slow. I have a feeling the Aussie’s will find my accent and speed talking just as perplexing. And does anyone else talk to fast their brain can’t keep up? Cause I tend to sound like a re-re when I talk because I randomly stop while speaking because my brain is just too fast. Anyway….yeah. Australia!!! Whooooo!

  4. Kiki/Anners

    April 18, 2011 at 18:44

    Princess Shinylocks!

    • Lili The Great

      April 19, 2011 at 06:27

      I will be watching that horrible Lifetime movie about Wills and Shinylocks. I expect you to, as well.

  5. joders

    April 19, 2011 at 03:37

    Just so you know, the spiders here aren’t murderous unless they bite you. So you’ve got nothing to worry about.

    As for the driving thing, it’s not us who drive on the wrong side of the road. And until you get used to that fact, please try not to clutch the gear stick or grab my arm while I’m driving because that makes it kind of difficult to drive in a straight line.

    Other than that, everything will be just fine. Even the termperature. It’ll only be 450 423 degrees when you arrive in September.

    • Lili The Great

      April 19, 2011 at 06:32

      They stalk you and bite you and then eat you. I was going to post a pic of some Australian spiders and there was a pic of a spider eating a snake. A mothereffing snake!!!!!!! They fuck?! I almost had a heart attack.

      Can i just sit with my eyes closed any time I’m in a car?

      And 450,423 degrees is satisfactory to me. I can handle that.

      Dude, I cannot wait. I want it to me May 15th because I’m going to a Rammstein concert, and I then want it to be May 21st right after because Kiki and I are going on a road trip! And then I want it to be September 1st the day I come back because I want to be outta here! I have absolutely no patience.


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